Queue Akon’s “Lonely” or Bobby Womack’s “ If you think you’re lonely now.” If you know anything about these songs, you immediately know I have great taste in music and it is about romantic relationships. But the sentiments remain the same. Someone is lonely, and that someone is me.

I had a child just a few weeks ago and to my surprise, I have experienced a level of loneliness that I have never felt in my life.

Whenever there is an arrival of a newborn, we are told to keep the baby safe by keeping them away from people which means the mother also has to stay away from people. And there is wisdom in that advice. As newborns typically have weaker immune systems and can easily catch any and everything. Also, there is wisdom in mothers staying away from large groups of people too, so they don’t get anything and also have time to rest and heal properly. However, all the precautions coupled with birthing injuries and hormonal imbalance can cause one to develop loneliness. Which was my case.

My recent child birth was very dramatic as well as traumatic, as in I missed a chance to get an epidural and I am very pro-medication. That said, anytime, I have tried to explain to people everything my body went through, it was almost like I couldn’t get it into their heads as to why my experience was such a difficult one. The lack of sympathy made me feel quite alone and unseen.

I also think people generally are not interested in hearing about birth stories, after all they are all the same. I also think you can’t explain everything that happens during child-birth and have it mean something to another who didn’t experience it.

Two weeks into postpartum, I was talking to a friend over the phone and about 30 minutes into the conversation, she apologized for taking too much time and she said would speak to me later. I was heavily disappointed because I was now warming up to tell her about experiencing post partrum depression and anxiety. However , with the way she rushed to get off the phone, I couldn’t stop her and tell her what was going on with me. The rest of the week, I mulled over how she couldn’t even pick up on the fact that I was not doing well.

I think most family members and friends have the best intentions when they think they are giving you your space, because, rightfully so, you just gave birth and you are healing and you definitely need time to heal, which requires a lot of resting. So I get the sentiments, but it does not make it any less lonely

One way I’ve learnt to deal with loneliness even though it still hurts is recognizing that it is beneficial for my baby to not be in physical contact with too many people at once. The less likely I am to pick up germs that I can transfer. I have also framed it as a way to bond with my brand new baby. The moment people start coming around or I start have a social life a again, I wont have those moments again. Most importantly, this time has shown me that although I need community, I also need to learn to be my company. Growing up, being by myself for long periods did not bother me, I actually wanted it. I guess the difference between then and now is that I could freely engage with my hobbies, where now I am not able to engage with my hobbies but all my time is used for caring for a baby, who quite frankly has become clingy. Which I love!

But I am learning.

I am learning that this season is for my baby and it is for myself. I need to nurture my child and in a way, nurture myself. To sit with my thoughts, read books, write, go for walks and read my bible, all things I can do with my baby. And I need to learn to appreciate it and see it as the blessing that it truly is.