Before I got pregnant, I had a friend ask me if I wasn’t afraid of getting pregnant due to my age. I’m in my 30s. I asked her why? I didn’t get a straight forward answer but some mumbling about the dangers or something being wrong with the baby. Anyways, I confronted this friend and she apologized, so we have moved forward in our friendship. 

Although I have forgiven my friend and we have moved on, I won’t lie! Now that I am pregnant, I keep hearing her sentiments in my head. So far, I am told I have a healthy, low-risk pregnancy. But anytime I feel a little uncomfortable or a little ache, I wonder, am I too old to be doing this? Am I too old to be pregnant? Was she right after all?

This year especially, there has been debates and talking points for and against women giving birth in their later years. I am one of those women who started giving birth later in life, starting at 31 years old, because I met my partner later on in life. 

Fundamentally, I think women should give birth when it is feasible for them and when they can actually create a comfortable home for their children. Many women are indeed giving birth in their 30s and into their 40s. I haven’t conducted any research to reach the conclusion I am about to share. But I will say, most women are waiting to be established in some kind of capacity before having children. Also, I think women are using their 20s to enjoy their lives, whatever that means before bearing children. And these days, some women are simply undecided until they meet their life partner who kind of makes it worth it for them. I will say that was the case for me. My family will tell you that marriage and children were not at the forefront of my mind growing up. My brother actually laughed when I had my first kid, because I had sworn to everyone that I wasn’t having children. But here we are, I am having kids in my 30s. I think there are many positives for having children later on in life, but there is something to be said in favor of giving birth at an earlier age. I had one of my kids in my early 30’s and now have my third in my mid to late 30s, and I can tell the difference. So I imagine, having kids in my 20s would have been vastly different. 

Some of the differences i have experienced in between my early and late pregnancies are:

The fatigue is on a different level- I don’t know if i should equate that to old age pregnancy or the fact that I have two toddlers, work full time, and I have more responsibilities because I have a slightly bigger space.

The body aches also hit different- Again, is it old age, or the wear and tear on my body from three pregnancies and two babies. 

Another thought I have is, “when will I get back to myself?” 

Another thing I have been doing is calculating when it will be appropriate to die for the sake of our children? Quite morbid, but real. Not that I have any control over it, but when I reach my 50s I will have teenagers. My fear is that I might not live long enough for my children to be at the age to deal with my death. So for someone who might have given birth in their early 20’s, when they are 60, their kid will be in their 40s which is an age of maturity where someone can deal with their parents’ mortality. 

But I also take comfort in the fact that there are people before me who have given birth in their old age and have done or are doing a wonderful job. So why not me?

With all that said, there is absolutely no way I could have had kids in my 20s. As mentioned before, I simply didn’t know I wanted kids and I was chasing a law degree and enjoying my friends. 

Anyways pro give birth early or later? IF you are planning to have them