in the beginning

One day, I am spending about $300 on wigs and extensions. The next day, I am looking at myself in the mirror crying about how ugly I look because my hair is thinner than it has ever been. It’s breaking, and I can’t seem to style it. 

As I am looking at my wigs and myself, I wonder, how did I get here? When did I become a wig girlie, although nothing is wrong with it, I know within myself it’s not something I can sustain long term. So how did I end up with over 10 wings, that I happen to hate at least 80 percent of the time. Not to talk of how self-conscious I always feel when I wear wigs and the lace is obviously showing. I am not sure where the quote “lace where?” came from. But the lace can be seen. 

All the same, recently my favorite style influencers I noticed either wear wigs, have permanent hair, or are straight naturals. I went searching for influencers, because after crying over how I looked, I was committed to working with myself to overcome the uglies. This included exposure theory, as in looking at myself with my natural hair enough times to get used to it. Also, I am taking a break from braiding my hair. The only kind of braiding I will be doing is with my own hair. 

This got me thinking about the natural hair movement. In the last few years, I think women who were deep into the natural hair movement have matured and have different responsibilities. My theory is that no one has time for long wash days, involving two types of conditioners, hair steaming, making hair products at home, detangling, etc…but especially 4c natural hair girls who desperately wanted to have loose curls. 

I break this segment to report that I have big chopped AGAIN

I started writing this article at a time when I was attempting to get used to my natural hair. It will take three more days to know that it is time to cut my hair. So I did. I chopped it all off. I thought about it for three days and decided it was the best decision for me. 

I think I was trying to make this big chop into a philosophical thing where it reminded me of a new beginning. But it was not that deep, I am realizing that my hair was simply damaged and I didn’t like how it looked. So, I cut it. There is no more or less to it. And that is okay. Not everything has to be deep. 

What I am excited about is developing my personal style around this new hair cut and I am also interested in knowing if I can implement everything I have learned over the years into growing my hair. I am excited for this journey.