When I think of becoming, I want to start from the genesis of my life.  I am immediately wanting to start from my birth, and mention all the ways I have changed and become throughout the years. But I am also hesitant because up until my teenage years many things were decided for me.

When I think of becoming, I think of coming into myself, creating my own identity, abandoning thoughts and ways of living that were imposed on me. But also, accepting some of those things because they were not “bad” after all. I think about how I was one thing, then I was not. How I was sure of one thing, then I was not. How all these things are progressional, and regressional, joining forces to make me who I am today. Guaranteed that I will become a different person in the next few months or even years.

My becoming starts from the day I decided to practice my religion without it being forced on me. The day that I decided that I will not be ashamed of wearing second hand clothes. The day that I decided I am not going to force myself into spaces I wasn’t welcomed. The day that I decided, maybe I prefer old school hi-life to hip-life. That it is okay to play Osibisa than Wizkid.

When I think of becoming, I think of the freedom to change. The freedom to grow and learn and unlearn. I think of the different ways and things I want to become, that I am not now. Becoming authenticity. Being authentic and honest with oneself, at every stage in life. 

When I do a #throwbackthurday on my life, I see how different I have become. In my early teenage years, I was a “radical” christian. I was the girl that judged everyone’s moves and mistakes. But I was also the girl that was unshakenly disciplined. Then I was a free spirited “everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and who am I to judge?” girlie. Then I was a skeptic. Then I was a hopeful activist, who volunteered for every organization because change seem possible so long as the work was being done.

I was the girl who didn’t believe in love and relationships. The one who always walked away. Then, I was the girl who fell in love. Then I became the one who thought love was conditional and eventually no one loved anyone. Then I was the girl who got her heart shattered to a billion pieces.

I was the girl who wished for that big group of girlfriends who had the group chat and did all the fun vacations and outings. But I am not the girl who is content and appreciative of her powerful but small circle. Who still occasionally wishes for a group of girlfriends to do road trips with.

I don’t think identity is final, it is always changing. It is always becoming. With growth and knowledge our outlook and way of being changes day to day. For the better, is my hope for everyone.

How have you changed throughout the years?